The Death Penalty

I was recently reading a novel where an innocent man was on death row; He spends the entire length of the book –along with his lawyer- trying to prove his innocence. This was an exceptional book so much that the reader feels every emotion along with him: frusturation at the frivolity of legitation, joy when there seems like there is a small glimmer of hope, desperation when the end is near, and finally helplessness when the end does come and he is strapped to a chair and brought to what the system calls “justice”. After closing the book I sat and let all of this sink in. I used to think I was in favor of the the death penalty but when I really thought about such power being placed in the hands of such an impersonal system, You are bound to get it wrong some of the time. The question is is it worth it?

I can’t say I’m a passionate person because that would seem a bit presumptuous, I think. What I can safely say is that I’m an angry person. When I hear of cold, heartless killings by men and women who kill for the pleasure of it beause that is the only way they are able to feel, I –who has no problem feeling- get angry. Very Angry. My first reaction is they deserve to die and if they deserve to die, let’s oblige them. Let’s kill them in the most heartless fashion that we can possibly think of. Let’s make sure they feel the terror their victims felt and lets show no emotion, but by feeling this way I am showing emotion. I am balancing someones life on my emotions. Emotions are easily manipulated. All it takes is a skilled, over-paid lawyer to choose the right words that will make me identify with the victim and fill me with indignity. All he needs to do is paint a picture of a small abused child who was taken advangtage of, a poor helpless woman who was raped in a dark alleyway, an upstanding citizen who was chosen randomly for a brutal and painful death –it could have been you- and I will be so blinded with anger that I will want to stab the “guilty” with my breakfast fork. Juries are made up of average people who know little to none about the legislative process. A quick survey into their lives will show you which buttons to push to extract the exact response desired- an illogical rage.No matter if the accused is guilty or innocent a verdict should never be based on more than the facts, but that is near immpossible. It is in our nature to feel and identify; we are emotional. My emotions are not a reliable judge and neither are yours.

I read once that 30% of the men on death row are innocent. That means that for every 70 evil, vile, horrible creatures that are put to die on death row 30 more innocent men die also. This is murder. When we as a country passively allow the death of innocent men so we can get our moment of justice, we become accessories to murder. If we allow this how are we better than these men that we feel deserve the death penalty?

Yet ANOTHER 13 Year Old Dies Because Of "Gay" Bullying In School!!

Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is just beyond tragic!

News has just surfaced that a 3rd teenage boy in as many weeks has died after a suicide attempt because of bullying in school over his supposed sexuality.

Seth Walsh, 13, from Tehachapi, CA, attempted suicide on September 19th by hanging himself and was hospitalized in critical condition until this week.

Sadly, Seth died on Monday.

A memorial service is scheduled for Friday, Oct. 1, at 3:30 p.m. at the Tehachapi First Baptist Church, 1049 South Curry St., Tehachapi.

I sincerely hope that this teen's story will force others to stop and think before they put someone else down for something as petty as sexual preference. NOBODY should feel less worthwhile than ANYONE ELSE, especially over that.

PLEASE please PLEASE, if you have a little brother or cousin or neighbor or anyone whom you think might be gay or might be perceived as gay, talk to them! Encourage open and honest communication. Talk to them about suicide and how that is NOT the answer.

It is really hard to see at 13, but things WILL get better for them.

Suicide is NOT the answer!!!!

If you or anyone you know is currently having suicidal thoughts, please seek help! Check out The Trevor Project for more information.

These suicides MUST stop!!!!

Conformity/Nonconformity

Throughout history, many have tried to break away from society’s norms in an attempt to live life more fully. Examples include religious, government, and cultural revolutions where people group themselves based on their beliefs in order to create wide-scale change. But I question just how many people in these groups really believe in their movements. By no means am I negating the sincerity of the thousands who participated in the peace movement of the 1960s or the punk movement of the late 1970s

– in fact, I have come to embrace many of the ethos and philosophies of these cultural movements. However, I am saddened by the number of young people I see who seem to believe that they are “punk” because of the kind of shoes or brand of clothing they wear.

The beliefs of the punk and peace counterculture movements were actually not that different. Both endorsed the idea of living free of ­materialism. Studying these movements shows that their original intent was to promote personal freedom from the establishment. The hippie or peace movement held beliefs that illustrated a sense of freedom in art, music, and spiritual realms. It disapproved of war and the binding nature of society’s ways of thinking. Similarly, the punk movement, which originated in Britain and quickly spread to the U.S., also called for a new freedom. The fast, loud sounds of punk rock seemed to allow nothing but pure energy, creating a type of musical freedom. Punk meant embracing anti-establishment beliefs and ignoring the limitations of conventional society. The basic feel-good nature of the sound and style pulled in youth who embraced the freedom found in the music.

Today it seems as if the original philosophies of these groups have been forgotten. Their historical records were dirtied over time by the stereotypes of non-participant generations and the bias of the media. Youth today seems to look at such movements through commercialized lenses, allowing their understanding of the world to be altered by what is in, popular, or on television.

To me, the clothing and physical or material elements specific to a certain counterculture movement should emphasize its beliefs rather than replace them. Can we really be free if we are worried about reflecting a lifestyle or understanding that we have yet to fully grasp? It comes across as if we are rebelling against something, but what are we truly rebelling against?

Across Continents

So I know it's been a while since my last post and considering that I just started this blog I aknowledge that I'm not creating very good habits for this new pastime of mine, but I do have a good excuse. The past 3 weeks have been educational, enthralling, mind-blowing, thoroughly entertaining and much more. I haven't talked to any of my friends since I left Brazil but that is due to the fact that my access to the computer is quite limited. So I'm taking this time to give you all an update on what's been going on with me in the past 3 weeks.





Let me first start by saying I hate packing. I used to THINK I liked it, but that was before I had ever packed to move. Giving away things that you've had for a very long time and that you might maybe sometimes use in the future is an experience I really hope I'll never have to do again. Well, anyway, I have this habit of leaving things for the last minute which is precisely what I did with my packing. I was leaving on Monday (at night) and I decided to only start packing on Friday because I didn't want to have to live out of suitcase for the last couple days. Which was all in all a very brilliant plan but led to some pretty stressfull last days. I literally finished shoving the last things into my suitcases a minute before we walked through the door. Now there were many people who told me that packing at the last minute was a bad idea (Notable Mention: Kristi and Phil) but I did it, and rather brilliantly also.



Saying goodbye to everyone back in Curitiba was so strange. These are people I've lived with or have been friends with for years, and it takes a while to sink in that many of these people I'll never see again. Of course there are alot of people I'm going to miss terribly but the hardest one to say goodbye to was Lianna (my niece). Just the fact that the next time she sees me the chances of her remembering me are nonexistant. I really did want to take her with me she's so small she'd actually fit in my suitcase. I checked!!



Anyway the bus ride to Rio was pretty uneventful and actually pretty comfortable thanks to the pillow Lolly shoved in my backpack at the last minute (Thanks!!!). So I got to Rio around 9 a.m. where I was going to be staying with my sister for the next week. (Special thanks to Ali, Lina, and Elli who let me crash in their room and were very hospitable) While I was there, there were quite a few people I wanted to see. I got to see most of them but a couple just didn't work out. The most disapointing one was that I didn't get to see Vi (my ex-roomie). Since she decided to be all mature and busy and only be free on weekends *sticks out tongue*. Also I got to see Jess (another ex-roomie) which was AWESOME! (Girls [Kristi, Vivi, Jessica] we totally have to have a reunion one day... I'm thinking Hawaii... Yes?? YES!) But best of all I got to spend a week with my sister and her two ADORABLE kids. I had so much fun in Rio thanks to everyone who was a part of it.



So on the way to the airport we had a little scare. We get a phone call from my brother saying that Phil couldn't leave the country because he was under 18 and didn't have a signed document from both parents saying he could leave the country. Well, if that was the case for Phil then that was probably the case for me. The second I heard that I went into a cold sweat. I was traveling with my mom but I had no document from my dad, and unlike phil who's mom was in Curitiba and could get the document in a day or so, I had no idea how I was going to get this document from my dad or how long it was going to take. Then about 5 minutes after we got this news the clutch in the car busted. So here we are stranded in the middle of the highway on the way to the airport not even sure if I'm going to be able to get on the plane. That was definetly not one of the high-points of the trip. Anyway in the end it all turned out ok. We took a cab to the airport and got on the plane fine with time to spare. It turns out the reason Phil couldn't get on the plane was because he was Brazilian and since I'm American ,naturally, different laws apply.



After a few hours layover in Panama City, We finally arrived in Florida, got picked up by my aunt and uncle, and finally went to our new home. I have been in the US for 5 days now and am loving everything about it, but my favorite things are the libraries. Thousands and thousands of books (ENGLISH books!) all sitting there and I can pick any of them and as many as I want!! I'm going a little crazy staying up late every night reading. I HAVE TO FINISH THIS BOOK SO I CAN START THE NEXT ONE!!! The house I am going to be living at is beautiful and cozy and everyone here is so nice and helpful. Maybe eventually I'll have things to complain about but right now I'm in the infatuation stage. Everythings AMAZING! I have been reularly gymning (yes I just used gymn as a verb. I can do that!) and so far have not gained a massive amount of weight, but hey it's only been five days.

Now my life has calmed down for a couple of days, but only for a couple of days. On the 19th all the cousins are coming down to FL to have a family reunion. Which I am hugely looking forward to. Another thing I'm looking forward to is my laptop arriving in the mail (I ordered it a couple days ago). I have already named it, or should I say him; Edgar, his friends call him Ed. Also I can't wait for my trip to England on the 8th (I think...I must double check) of September. I'm going to be staying there for around 3 weeks. YAY!

Well, that's basically all for now; I'll try and keep you all updated, but as some of you may know I'm not exactly consistent. Best of luck to Jess in Greece GO GET'M! Lolly I love you and miss you and I am sorry I haven't written you but I promise I will. Vin, thanks for the phone I promise not to wreck it more than you already have. Lolo, it was great seeing you in Rio, Sorry if I talk to much Love ya!. Vi, I'm sorry I was so disorganized and didn't get my act together so that I could see you. I miss our jogs in the park together! Phil, thank you for being my chauffeur. I had tons of fun with you guys. Lili I LOVE YOU! Your my angel forever. Shell, I can't wait to see you in England. Tell Jodie her favorite, funnest auntie is coming to visit! And to everyone else I forgot...Get off my blog.

Yes on Gay Marriage

“We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness…”. This is the opening to one of, if not the most, important documents to the United States of America, The Declaration of independence. “All men are created equal.” In the past we have either overlook or ignored this line in the document. Black people, Irish people, Jews, women they have all been discriminated against and treated different then the average white man. They were not given the chance to “pursue happiness” because they had darker skin, an accent, an unpopular religion, less strength, they were different. And now in the twenty-first century we haven’t learned our lesson, that people are different. People look different, talk different, believe different, and LOVE different. Denying homosexuals the right to marry those they love signifies a harsh similarity to that unenlightened time of our past.
Marriage is a beautiful thing, it is a chance for two people to commit to one another for the rest of their lives. They get to prove to each other that they love them and care fore them and will always be by their side as a lover, a supporter, a comforting soul and a friend. In marriage the couple is given the rights to visit each other in the hospital, make medical decisions on behalf of each other in events if illness, choose final resting place, have joint custody of a child and more. That is if your man and wife. You see in most states in America marriage can only be done when a man loves a woman. Most heterosexuals can tolerate what homosexuals do in the privacy of their bedroom but to analogue that in society would be “harmful” to every individual. The only question I have is how? People say its harmful, they say it disrupts their daily lives, but I have never been given an answer on how? How does two men or two women who live on the other side of the country or on the other side of the state or even on the other side of the street effect anyone. I can answer that, it doesn’t. The only people it has anything to do with is the two of them and maybe their family. And to me a good family loves each other no matter what.
“A man should not lay with another man like he lays with his wife”. Let me first say religion should have nothing to do with the laws of this country. And it is true these words are in the bible, but it also says, “Of all the creatures living in the water, you may eat any that has fins and scales. But anything that does not have fins and scales you may not eat; for it is unclean.” So pretty much eating shrimp, crab, lobster, clams and muscles is wrong and a sin. Then there’s also “Do not eat any of the fat of a cattle”, meaning no hamburgers. I could go on for awhile but my point is there are loads of rules and abominations in the bible yet I don’t see anyone following any of those.
I’m not trying to tell you to agree with what homosexuals do, I’m just asking you to not hold them back from pursuing their own happiness.

Sweaty Palms.

Ok, Hi! This is my first post in my new blog; I'm actually kind of nervous...Odd. Well, I started this blog because I'm about to go through a lot of monumental changes in my life and I would like for my thoughts and feelings to be documented and shared. Who knows when that might come in handy. Actually I think I might be writing this blog to find out what are my thoughts and feelings because I honestly don't know. I feel confidant that I have everything I need to succeed in life or if I don't I'll be able to learn whatever it is I need fairly quickly. I'm self-assured and almost never nervous about the future; I'm excited, I'm happy,I'm ready to go, and I'm pretty sure I'm lying to myself.

But how can I KNOW that I'm lying to myself? I don't think I can be sure but there definetly have been some hints lately. First of all I haven't been sleeping well recently; I wake up in the middle of the night and I can't go back to sleep. Now, I've studied psychology enough to know that unless I'm IV'ing caffine in my veins before bed there's is something off and I need to find out what. Second there are moments in my day where I feel panic not just normal fear but sheer cold panic. I get sweaty palms, dizzy, and heavy breathing and I don't know why.

I think what's happening is a conflict of my conscious and subconscious. My conscious is telling me " Don't worry. Look at the facts. You have it in the bag," and the thing is when I look at the cold hard facts - I have it in the bag. I've graduated young, I have done things that kids my age never had the chance, I fluently speak two languages, I have a loving and supportive family, and I have mental capacity and drive. The thing is I can't only look at the facts; I have to look at my emotions and how I feel, or atleast how my subconscious knows I feel. I am so scared. I'm scared that I'm too young to suceed in college, I'm scared that I won't be able to make friends, I'm scared that no one will want to hire a 16 year-old, I'm scared that I won't live up to the expectations of my family and friends, but most of all I'm scared that once you take away my "identity" (my life here in Brazil and everything I know and have grown up with) there will be nothing left of value. Nothing left to sustain the image I have painted for myself. Now how do I comfort myself? How do I make it easier for myself? Well, I think the first step was admitting it to myself. And I think the second step was admitting it to the world. Some people tell me how proud they are of me or how surprised they are with me and that I'm a kid but I have it so "under control". I want to tell those people that they shouldn't be and that I don't. I'm a child and I'm going to act like it, I'm going to screw up big time and numerously. But after thinking about it for a while I'm actually ok with that. I'm ok with making a fool out of myself. I'm ok with waiting to finding out if I can stand out and be incredible. I'm actually excited about finding myself but I acknowledge that I'm scared out of my mind. So I think I'm making progress. I'll be ok. I know I will.